4 Reasons Why People Struggle to Communicate Feelings:

Sharing feelings is one of the most important parts of building strong relationships and staying mentally healthy. But for many people, talking about emotions feels incredibly difficult. This can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and even loneliness. Why is it so hard for some of us to share how we feel? Let’s explore 4 reasons why people struggle to communicate feelings and simple ways to overcome them.

1. Lack of Emotional Awareness: The first big reason people struggle to share their feelings is that they’re not fully aware of what they’re feeling in the first place. How can you explain something you don’t understand?

Why This Happens: Some people grow up in homes or cultures where emotions aren’t talked about. They’re taught to “tough it out” or “focus on the practical stuff” instead of reflecting on how they feel. Over time, this can make it hard to even notice emotions as they come up. Research by Frewen et al. (2012) shows that without emotional awareness, it’s nearly impossible to express feelings effectively.

What You Can Do About It: Learning to understand your own emotions takes practice, but it’s completely possible. Here’s how:

  • Pause and Reflect: Take a few minutes each day to sit quietly and think about how you’re feeling. Ask yourself: “Am I happy, sad, frustrated, or excited?”
  • Keep a Journal: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you recognize patterns and give words to emotions.
  • Learn Feeling Words: Expand your vocabulary with words like “anxious,” “content,” or “overwhelmed.” The more specific you can be, the easier it is to express yourself.
  • Talk to Someone: A trusted friend or therapist can help you explore and understand your emotions.

With time and effort, you’ll start to notice your feelings more clearly and share them more easily.

2. Guilt and Shame: Another big reason people don’t express their feelings is guilt or shame. They might think sharing emotions makes them look weak or overly sensitive.

Why This Happens: In some families or cultures, being vulnerable is seen as a flaw. Maybe you’ve heard phrases like, “Stop crying; it’s not a big deal,” or “You’re overreacting.” When people hear this often enough, they start to believe it. Silfver (2007) found that guilt and shame can make people feel afraid to show emotions, even when it’s perfectly healthy to do so.

What You Can Do About It: To overcome guilt and shame, you need to rethink how you see vulnerability. Here are a few ideas:

  • Remember Vulnerability is Strength: It takes courage to share your feelings, especially in a world that sometimes values “toughness” over honesty.
  • Find Safe People: Start by opening up to someone you trust who won’t judge or dismiss you. Positive experiences can help rebuild your confidence.
  • Replace Negative Thoughts: If you think, “I’ll look weak if I share this,” try saying, “Sharing my feelings shows I’m strong enough to be real.”
  • Learn from Others: Notice people in your life or in the media who are open about their emotions. They can inspire you to do the same.

Changing how you think about guilt and shame won’t happen overnight, but every small step helps.

3. Fear of Rejection: Many people hold back their feelings because they’re afraid of being rejected. What if someone laughs at them, dismisses them, or gets upset?

Why This Happens: If you’ve ever shared your feelings and had someone react negatively—maybe they ignored you or made you feel silly—it’s natural to feel hesitant about doing it again. Dixon and Overall (2018) explain that this fear is a protective response. It’s your brain’s way of trying to avoid getting hurt.

What You Can Do About It: Building the courage to express your feelings takes practice and patience. Here are some ideas to help:

  • Start Small: Begin by sharing lighter, less vulnerable feelings with someone you trust. For example, instead of saying, “I feel so hurt,” try, “I’ve been feeling a little off lately.”
  • Focus on Safe People: Talk to people who have shown they care about you and won’t judge you. Avoid sharing deep feelings with people who have been dismissive in the past.
  • Remind Yourself You Deserve Support: Just because someone rejected you in the past doesn’t mean everyone will. You have the right to be heard and supported.
  • Practice Boundaries: If someone reacts poorly, it’s okay to set boundaries or distance yourself from them. Protecting your emotional well-being is important.

With time, positive experiences will replace the fear of rejection and help you feel more comfortable opening up.

4. Childhood Invalidation: For some people, the struggle to express feelings began in childhood. If you grew up in a home where emotions were ignored, mocked, or punished, it can be hard to feel safe sharing them as an adult.

Why This Happens: As children, we learn about emotions from our caregivers. If parents or guardians dismiss a child’s feelings—for example, by saying things like, “Stop crying; it’s not a big deal,” or “Don’t be so dramatic”—the child may start to believe their feelings don’t matter. Dixon and Overall (2018) found that these experiences often leave lasting scars, making emotional expression feel unnatural or unsafe.

What You Can Do About It: Healing from childhood invalidation takes time and self-compassion. Here are some steps to try:

  • Acknowledge the Past: Recognize how your upbringing might have affected your ability to express feelings. This isn’t about blaming anyone; it’s about understanding yourself better.
  • Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. If you’re struggling to share feelings, remind yourself it’s okay to take small steps.
  • Learn Emotional Skills: Read books, attend workshops, or work with a therapist to build new habits for identifying and expressing feelings.
  • Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Find friends or groups that encourage open communication and make you feel safe being yourself.

Paucsik et al. (2022) emphasize that learning to express emotions after childhood invalidation is a journey. It’s not easy, but every step forward is a victory.

In the rest of this article, we can say that talking about feelings can be tough, but it’s also one of the most rewarding skills you can develop. Whether you’re struggling with emotional awareness, guilt and shame, fear of rejection, or childhood invalidation, remember that these challenges are common and can be overcome. By taking small steps, surrounding yourself with support, and practicing patience, you can learn to communicate your feelings more openly. And when you do, you’ll find deeper connections, stronger relationships, and greater peace of mind. It’s worth the effort—one step at a time.

References:

  1. Dixon, H., & Overall, N. (2018). Regulating fears of rejection. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 35(2), 159–179. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407516678486
  2. Frewen, P., Dozois, D., Neufeld, R., & Lanius, R. (2012). Disturbances of emotional awareness and expression in posttraumatic stress disorder: Meta-mood, emotion regulation, mindfulness, and interference of emotional expressiveness. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 4(2), 152–161. https://doi.org/10.1037/A0023114
  3. Paucsik, M., Nardelli, C., Bortolon, C., Shankland, R., Leys, C., & Baeyens, C. (2022). Self-compassion and emotion regulation: Testing a mediation model. Cognition and Emotion, 37(1), 49–61. https://doi.org/10.1080/02699931.2022.2143328
  4. Silfver, M. (2007). Coping with guilt and shame: A narrative approach. Journal of Moral Education, 36(2), 169–183. https://doi.org/10.1080/03057240701325274